Let me just apologize ahead of time if I offend anyone by my sidewalk analysis. It's just some observations I've made and I have to get them off my chest.
Last week tornadoes tore through my home state of Alabama destroying portions of the city in which I live along with countless other cities, communities, homes and lives. I was actually out of town on business while the whole thing happened. Never have I had a longer drive home that the 400 miles I traversed the day after. I had fear in my heart as I approached home not knowing what I would see. I knew that our power was out along with most of the city and there were many trees down and homes destroyed. And as I got within the limits of my home town, I saw - nothing out of the ordinary. No shrubbery on the side of the highway flattened. There were no broken or bent street signs. Not even traffic askew from what I normally experience. On my street, yes there were trees down, but when I got within 3 homes of my own, it was like there had only been a bad thunderstorm and little twigs were all over the yard. What is that strange twinge I feel? Is that relief or guilt? Shouldn't I be overjoyed that the sun was shining and my home is in the same condition that I left it? The power outage was merely an inconvenient blemish on a day so sunny and temperate that we didn't even need the A/C. My young kids thought the whole thing an adventure - from packing bags and stuffies and climbing into the tub to camping in our tent in the sun room even after the electricity was back.
While driving home, my mind raced of ways to help. Donate my samples, make my co-workers donate their samples, make toiletries kits, give cash, lend time. So many things I could do. But when I get home, everything in my immediate world seems okay. I know that there has been unprecedented devastation around the state and not even very far from my home. But the only way I am seeing it is in the papers and on the Internet. I really did go out the next day and spend about $150 dollars culling together travel samples of toothpaste, deodorants, toothbrushes, etc to make 20 bathroom kits. I did ask permission of one of the brands I rep permission to donate the samples to American Red Cross. When I dropped off the bathroom kits that I so lovingly put together, it was an unceremonious dump off at a donations processing site without even a thank you from the person who took it from me. And I heard this little voice inside my head say, "hey, I worked hard on those and I don't even get a thank you?" No, that has to be my imagination because they are working so hard and giving of their time to be here to receive donations. People appreciate it. I ask about getting a receipt for the clothing donation that my company would make. I got a sideways remark about corporations wanting the tax break and how no one else had asked for a receipt. I wanted to get defensive and say that it is their right to get a receipt, but instead I feel sheepishly guilty for even asking. Is a donation more valuable if we don't ask for a receipt? It is more selfless? I feel creepy-like that I am doing all this to make myself feel better for not being a victim. What is wrong here? I am making myself nauseous.
I go home and log onto my Facebook account to catch up on what has been going on since the storm. Thousands of pictures and videos of the tornadoes posted by all of us that are safe. We re-tell victims' stories over and over for them. It is all horrible and unfathomable. I see links to register to volunteer or donate. I see an interesting link for Hands On Birmingham that seems to be a central allocation site of manpower for volunteering and has lots of comments on their posts. I sign up for a 4 hour shift and then go back to Facebook to post that I signed up and see what everyone else has posted. Well, its all the same thing that I just posted, "signed up!", but in an increasingly aggressive one-ups-man manner. One person has signed up for an 8 hour shift. The next is signing up for 2 days worth. Another will sign up for 4 days and the most recent has signed up for 6 days and is waiting for HOB to post additional dates and needs so she can sign up for more. Seriously. I am so glad that some of us have nothing else going on in our lives like work or family or routine that you can completely abandon your previous life to dedicate it to volunteering for the Cause. Oh, crap did I just say that?? Elsewhere on Facebook, people are checking in at a school in Pratt City, on a bus to Cordova; they have worked 15 hours, slept 3 hours, taken a shower and are now back out there to help more. "I have half a pallet of pet shampoo to donate." Thunderous applause follows.
Please don't misinterpret smart-aleck-ness. I think that all the help that has been given is fantastic and worthwhile. I wish more would help. It is great that people turn out in droves to give time, money and substance to help those who are in need. I am glad that people care. I am among them. But I also know that I posted my little "I signed up" so that someone would see that I am doing my share and assuage my bizarre guilt for not being a victim myself. And so I wonder if everyone out there posting is subconsciously doing the same thing. We want to and like to help others, but we need for someone to recognize that we are doing something good and give us a pat on the back. We have a huge case of "it could have should have been me" syndrome.
I guess it doesn't really matter why we give or help or share as long as it gets done. Kudos to everyone out there who is pitching in to help out in whatever cause it is that you have found to be yours.
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